Taming Bella
by CullensTwiMistress
Summary: A hairy situation puts Bella in an awkward position. A birthday present for Heather Maven from two of her triangle of curls girls. Collab between CullensTwiMistress and Maplestyle. BxE; Humor/Romance; AH.
1. Chapter 1

Taming Bella

A hairy situation puts Bella in an awkward position. A birthday present for Heather Maven from two of her triangle of curls girls. Collab between CullensTwiMistress and Maplestyle. BxE; Humor/Romance; AH.

Warning: Not for the faint of hearts...may be bordering crackfic in some areas…

CarrieZM and Planetblue beta'd this fuckery, but we may have tweaked it afterward… All mistakes are our own. Thank you so much, ladies! ;)

…

…

**Chapter 1**

That asshole!

Doesn't he know how loud she is?

Who does that? I mean, at least, close your god damn window!

I've never seen the guy that moved into the building behind me. His unit faces mine and given the way his girlfriend screams and moans every night, I'd say he's giving it to her pretty good.

The lucky bitch.

Okay, so maybe part of me is a bit jealous, but as far as I know he could look like a complete troll.

A troll with a magic penis, apparently.

Anywho. I want to sleep.

"SHUT UP!" I scream, my voice is loud in the confines of my bedroom, and he probably can't hear me over her screams, but dammit, it feels good to let it out.

Closing my eyes, I try to sleep, using relaxation techniques taught to me by my therapist Alice, but fail miserably when her screams and moans turn into something that sounds like Jack the Ripper is ripping into her flesh or tearing off a limb.

"That cannot be real," I mumble, pinching my eyes closed. Seriously, who sounds like that during sex with the windows wide open to boot?

And why can't I find someone who can bring me that much pleasure?

Huffing, I get up and slam my window shut and turn on the television in hopes of drowning out their noises. "This should be good."

My whispered thoughts are interrupted by a final, "Oh yes … yes … YES!" Coming through my closed window and I roll my eyes, scanning the television for something to watch.

It's 3 a.m., who am I kidding? There is nothing on except some lame ass infomercials and porn. The porn from next door sounds better, thank you very much.

Unhappy with what I see, I turn off the screen and settle back into bed, my eyes as wide as saucers and my whole body wound up.

With a frustrated groan, I flip over onto my stomach and somehow, eventually fall into a restless sleep.

Morning comes much too early, and I find myself unwilling to get myself out of bed. I'm pretty sure I only got an hour or two of sleep at the most.

I can hear the birds chirping happily outside my bedroom window and I smile a little, knowing that I'm in for a beautiful day. It's Sunday and I'm not working today. My only plans consist of taking Kindle for a walk in the park. He's nice and undemanding. Plus, unlike a dog, I don't have to pick up his poop. I just wish his battery lasted longer.

I gather up everything I need to stay at the park for a while and bring some granola bars and water.

Just as I exit the front door of my building and head toward the park, I catch a flash of reddish-brown hair attached to a rather good looking guy and watch as he turns the corner towards the parking lot. I figure it must be new guy and Heather weeps at the thought that not only is he attractive, he must be doing something right in bed to cause his bed partner to scream bloody murder. Why can't I have a man like that?

Fleetingly, I think of going to confront him about his night time activities and how they've kept me up since he moved in, but I'm way too tired and fear I may burst into tears instead of screaming like a banshee-which is what I really want to do. Also, I consider that maybe he can't hear his partner's screams because he's got some sort of hearing disability and until I know more about him, I wouldn't want to come off as a huge bitch.

I think some recon is in order and turn toward the building. I buzz the one person who knows everything about everyone. Sure I'll be giving up some good solo time but I need to know about this guy.

"Yello?" Carlisle answers.

"Car? It's Bella. Come to the park with me?"

He tells me he'll be right down, and I sit on the top stair to wait for him.

Carlisle is a very handsome man, and I'd be all up in that if I were into older guys. He's really sweet, but he's also a bit of a gossip. And by bit of a gossip, I mean if you want to know what color underwear someone is wearing, Carlisle probably knows not only the color but the brand. The only problem with talking to someone with his proclivity for gossip is I have to handle this conversation with a bit of tact-something I'm not sure I can pull off in my sleepy state-or he'll spread it all around that I want to jump the new guys bones before noon tomorrow.

Turns out, I don't even have to ask Carlisle for the information I'm seeking. He regales me with tales of his new neighbour, including some things I really didn't want to know about said tenant's mother.

Someone please pass me the brain bleach, it's bad enough I have to listen to her son having sex, I don't need to know his mother purrs like a cat when you "stroked her kitty." Gag.

Edward, the new tenant, works at some club-though Carlisle isn't sure what he does exactly. It would explain why the bastard keeps waking me up at one in the morning.

Carlisle and I spend a few hours at the park catching up, I get to hear all about the dirty little secrets of his tenants. It makes me glad I don't live in his building, the man doesn't know the meaning of the word confidential.

When the sun sets, we walk back to the buildings and part ways. I spend the rest of my night catching up on some work. I have a meeting later this week and I was warned that my performance has to be better than usual. Apparently, one of the big-wigs from a company our firm wants to do the advertising for is coming in and my boss, James, is up my ass to make a good impression on him.

…

…

**Maple is also posting this story on her profile... We're going to be posting throughout the next few days...**

**If you know Heather, go and wish her a happy birthday. She'll love it! :D**

**Now... who's with us?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Like clockwork, the moaning and groaning wakes me up past 1 a.m. and I have to work in the morning. This time, I turn around in bed a few times, and decide that if I can't beat them, I may as well join them.

Heather agrees. She seems particularly twitchy when I dip my fingers between my folds and start rubbing on her. The noises from next door spur me on and before long, I'm coming just as hard as the chick neighbor-guy is banging.

Stress free and relaxed, I play with the soft curls that adorn Heather's surroundings wondering if it would be a good idea to give her a good trim, but then I decide "fuck it." We aren't getting any action right now, and Heather looks kind of cute with her long hair.

This is what keeps me up at night. I need a life, and fast.

Sometime past three, I fall asleep and wake up for work a few hours later. I'm groggy and disoriented when I walk into work. No amount of coffee will turn this day around, that's for damn sure.

Luckily, the day flies by. I work and keep quiet except when James calls for me, and by the time I make it home, I'm just glad to see my bed.

My room is hot and humid, the fan not keeping up with the heat wave that seems to have hit Seattle these past few days, so chancing the loud neighborhood, I decide to open the window.

"What the fuck?" The words fly out of my mouth and echo in the alley between my building and the one next door.

There, on the ledge of the window sill across from my own, is a dildo.

No, scratch that, that cannot be a dildo. It's cock shaped, but there is no way in hell it fits inside any human woman. The thing is huge.

"Jesus mother of fuck…" My words are muffled as I press my hand to my mouth. He can't just have left that there for everyone to see, right? Seriously?

I mean, sure it's his apartment. He can adorn his windows with whatever he wants, but that thing is at least a foot long and two inches in diameter.

Heather twitches and I cross my legs. There is no way that thing would get inside me. No. Way. I now know the reason his woman is screaming like Jack the Ripper has her, though. She's probably being ripped in fucking half by that thing!

"Alice is gonna hear about this." I mutter as I shake my head and head to bed, hoping to make through the night this time.

The next morning, I wake up alert and rested, grateful for the full night of sleep. I guess neighbor-guy didn't bring anyone home last night. No score for him means sleepy-time for me.

I open my curtains, curious to see if the giant dick is in his window, only to drop the curtain just as quickly when I'm met with a half naked man staring directly in my direction.

I forgo closing the window and decide that my apartment needs airing out anyway. There is no way I can make eye contact with anyone that owns that giant cock.

Work goes smoothly and I meet Alice at her office for my bi-monthly visit. This time, we're talking about my feelings in a whole new way. Yay.

"So Bella, how was your week?" Alice always starts our sessions off this way.

"Well, I have a new neighbor and his dick keeps me awake at night." My response is quick and succinct. She should be proud.

"Hmmm, and by awake, do you mean that you're letting the walls down and finally moving on?" she asks, her eyes narrowed and her pen going a mile a minute on that notepad.

"Yeah right, Alice, we both know I'm too frigid and refuse to let go of the past." I roll my eyes. I've been to see her every two weeks for the past year. My issues are resolved at this point, I just like the convenience of unloading on someone who can't talk to my mother about my issues. "His girlfriend screams like a banshee when she comes. It's annoying and keeps me up. Heather doesn't like it."

I lie. Heather loves it.

"Oh Bella, I thought we were over calling your lady parts 'Heather'?" Alice says as she scribbles more things on her pad. I'm glad I can keep her entertained this week. I slept for the entire session last time and woke up as she was putting a coat of clear polish on my nails.

"What's your damage, Alice? You know I've always wanted to bone Christian Slater." I roll my eyes and pick at the lint on my pants. "Besides, she needs a name. And I'm not naming her Alice."

Alice gives me a blank stare and sighs. "Okay, then. Moving on. What else is new?"

"Well, there was a giant cock in his window last night."

Alice drops her pen and cocks an eyebrow.

"I mean, I think it was a dildo. Doesn't he know we can all see it? Maybe I should put a note in my window telling him that if he can see my note, I can see his dick."

"I don't know what to tell you, Bella." Alice sighs again. I think I'm getting on her nerves. Score. "I think your hour is up."

I look at my watch and notice I still have a good twenty minutes left.

"I think James would be pissed if he knew he was spending good, quality dollars on these sessions and yet here you are, telling me to leave."

James offered to pay for me to come see Alice after I had a rather nasty argument with Mike Newton over some cheesy, sexist ad he made me work. Needless to say, Mike doesn't come around me anymore after I threatened to cut off his dick.

"Alright, fine, but we're going to be hitting some big questions here. After everything you've told me, are you going to finally get back into the dating pool, Bella? Because it seems to me that maybe you could start going out and meeting people again," she suggests. This time, she's not writing anything down.

I shake my head. "Not gonna happen. I haven't landscaped in years and I'm pretty sure my hymen grew back. Sex is off the table for me." Lie. I wish sex were on a table. Under it. On the floor. Screaming like a banshee.

Dammit.

"Oh honey, What happened with Tyler isn't going to happen with everyone else." Her words are soothing but I refuse to hear them. When you walk in on your boyfriend screwing your best friend, shit sort of hits the fan.

"That's alright, Alice. As I've said before, I'm willing to die a spinster." There is no conviction behind my words because she's right. I'm lonely. The moaning from next door wouldn't bother me so much if I were getting some on a regular basis.

Well, maybe it would bother me. A bit. Or a lot. Let's face it, hearing other people having sex when you're not, really sucks. No matter what.

I miss the closeness of a man. I miss their arms holding me and the soft touches. Heather misses the face time.

"Well, at least you're coming to terms with it." I can read the sarcasm behind her voice just as well as she reads mine. She's become almost like a friend to me during these sessions. Sometimes, I wish we could hang out outside her office hours. She's cool like that.

"It's my reality. When I meet the right guy, things will change. I promise." I give her a tight lipped smile and a small shrug, in hopes that she believes me.

"What about this neighbor of yours? The one keeping you awake?"

"I don't know him. He's new. I don't know what to do about the cock I saw in his window though."

Alice clears her throat, her lips twitching. "Well, lets hope he puts that thing away before he hurts someone."

At this, I burst out laughing, holding my gut as Alice joins in and laughs too. "I'm sorry, honey, but this time your hour really is up."

As soon as I get home from Alice's office, I head to my bedroom to change. I cautiously pull the curtain aside to see if the huge cock is still in the window. I'm not sure if I'm happy or sad that it isn't.

Once I got the idea of putting the sign in the window, I was really looking forward to doing it.

After I'm dressed in something comfortable, I make myself dinner for one, with a sigh, and eat alone-as usual. I can feel myself slinking down into the pit of darkness that engulfs me sometimes after my sessions with Alice. It's never my idea of fun when she throws my past in my face. I may try and play it off that I'm happy being alone, but I'm not, it sucks, but I can't trust another man the way I trusted Tyler. My heart is too fragile.

The truth is I don't trust anyone. I can't make any sincere girlfriends in the off chance that I would ever get another boyfriend, and I can't get a boyfriend because men are scum and fuck you over every chance they get. This is the reason James pays for me to have a best friend in Alice. He's cool like that.

I decide I'm done with dinner without even taking a bite, wrap it up and get ready for bed. I take a sleeping pill in the hopes that it will knock me out enough that if the banshee comes screaming (pun intended,) I'll still sleep like the dead.

…

…


	3. Chapter 3

**You guys are awesome! Thank you so much for coming along. **

**Keep in mind that things aren't always as they seem. (This is for you, guest reviewer.)**

**Chapter 3**

Waking up the next morning, I feel relaxed and refreshed. I managed to sleep the whole night, yay me!

I briefly wonder if it was the sleeping pill I took or if my neighbor didn't have his friend over last night for once.

Opening my curtains wide to let in the fresh air and sunlight, I strip off my top and grab a bra from the dresser. I'm about to turn to go to the bathroom when I hear a gasp, followed by a muffled curse and turn to the window fully exposing my naked breasts to my neighbor.

A hot, pink blush floods my cheeks as I quickly cross my arms across my breasts. While I am mortified, he can't seem to stop staring. What a pervert! I mean the guy has a girlfriend, he should ogle her naked breasts.

This being said, a part of me can't help but feel a tad bit wanted. I have to squash that feeling deep deep down before I let it go to my head so I give him my best bitch brow and storm off into the bathroom, thanking the lord that I hadn't dropped trou.

Though I love Heather, she isn't fit for men's viewing right now.

Again I debate giving her a haircut, but what's the point? Sadly for her she's become a no man's land. I finish my shower and wrap a towel firmly around my naked body. I don't want to be giving away anymore free shows today. I have to admit, even to myself, I'm a little disappointed that he isn't still at his window when I come out of the bathroom.

That night, there is no reprieve. The loud banshee screaming goes on and on, lasting until about four in the morning. By then, I'm ready to either go over there or call the cops and report a murder.

This is so not the night for this to be happening. Of all the nights I really need a good night sleep tonight is one of them. I don't do well on lack of sleep. I really am quite crabby. I regret not taking a sleeping pill, but those things are highly addictive and I don't think I need any more reasons to be in therapy.

I manage to get about two hours of solid sleep in before my alarm goes off. Showering quickly in hopes to wake myself up more, I end up downing an entire pot of coffee anyway.

I sigh and get dressed, putting on one of my nicer outfits. The big wig is coming in today. James will be on fire for sure and the last thing I need is him getting on my case about what I'm wearing and how it's "not an appropriate look for our company" and "we don't want our clients to think we employ hobos, Isabella." I've heard that speech enough in this lifetime, thanks.

It's a good thing I'm good at what I do, otherwise, I'm pretty sure James would have given me the boot a long time ago.

James has been up my ass-not literally-this morning about impressing this new client and I'm about ready to claw out my hair. I mean this guy can't possibly be that important can he?

James sent me back to the bakery twice this morning because they didn't give him the type of pastries he ordered. It's madness. Nobody can be worth this much trouble. I've slept two hours, drank about two pots worth of coffee and the result is that I'm a twitchy, jittery mess.

James has been pacing the boardroom now for the last fifteen minutes because the asshole is late. When I see someone finally enter the boardroom, I snort, James shoots me a glare.

"Sorry I'm late," the man calls out while looking at his phone "I got stuck in traffic."

I lift my head slightly to see who this person is that's made my work life hell for the past week and when I see who it is, something in me snaps. It's bad enough I've had to jump through hoops at work for this douchebag, but I've lost sleep over him too. Precious, precious sleep that I will never get back, all because he can't gag his bitch.

I blame my lack of sleep and over indulgence in coffee on what happens next.

"You!" I yell out pointing my finger in his face. "You are the most inconsiderate, bastard I have ever met in my entire life!"

I can hear James stuttering out an apology behind me but it doesn't stop me. "You keep me up all night, every night, when day after day I have to come into this hole and bend over backwards to make this presentation outstanding for you!" My breathing is labored and my hand shaky, but I plow through. "You, who doesn't even have the decency to show up on time!"

James is grabbing my arm now, hissing something in my ear but I'm on a roll. I am in full on lack of sleep, lack of filter mode. "Of all the rude, ignorant people to ever grace my life, you Mister, take. The. Cake!" I punctuate my words by poking him in the chest. "If you can't control your girlfriend I am going to come over to your place and cut off your dick."

At this James slams his hand down on the table and yells, "ISABELLA, ENOUGH!" His voice is so loud, I jump, frozen on the spot, mouth open, eyes wide.

What the fuck did I just do? Edward looks mortified and I want to crawl under a table and die. James is red in the face, breathing heavily. It takes him about five minutes to finally say something, five of the longest minutes of my life. All of us seem too stunned by my outburst to say anything. Screaming at a co-worker is one thing, but this, this was a client.

"Isabella?" James says, calmly now. "I can see that the money I've spent for you to see Alice has worked wonders for your disposition." He's being sarcastic, in case you couldn't tell. "This is the last time you will threaten a man in my presence young lady. You are an excellent employee, and very hard working and it pains me to have to do this, but you're fired."

I gasp in shock at his tone and his words. I mean, I know I deserve it for what I did and said, but all the lack of sleep caught up to me. I can feel the tears welling in my eyes as I turn to gather my things. As I go to exit the room I feel a light grasp on my elbow halting my movement.

"Wait," I hear Edward say. "Mr. Hunter, I can understand what it's like to be over stressed and over tired. I don't want anyone losing their job over me. Please reconsider. Perhaps I could drive Isabella home and she can get some rest and we'll reschedule our meeting for another time? I'm still very interested in seeing what your company has to offer."

I'm stunned. I think James is too, because he sputters for about twenty seconds before turning to me and saying, "Today is your lucky day, Isabella. You get to keep your job." I know better than to jump for joy, though, but I really want to. "Please go home, get some rest and be back here tomorrow ready to present to Mr. Cullen."

I nod my head quickly and turn to rush out of the room. Just as I'm passing through the door I hear James call out, "And I'm paying for another year with Alice!"

I jump and dance a little jig when I hear those words. Sure, it's pathetic to have a paid-for best friend, but she's the only one I've got.

"Ready to go?" Edward asks as he holds the door open for me.

I didn't think he'd actually go through with driving me home.

"I can drive myself, thanks." I walk past him and make my way down the hall toward the elevator leading down to the parking garage where my car is parked, my key poised and ready to unlock the door for a quick getaway.

"Hey, listen, can we talk?" His footsteps are loud as he keeps his pace with mine. "I'm sorry, okay? If it's any comfort, she broke up with me last night which is why I was late this morning." He's trying in vain to keep his voice low as we pass by a few cubicles.

I halt my steps and turn abruptly, nearly knocking him out with my purse in the process. "You're sorry? It's a little late for that, but thanks. Maybe next time, try to keep your noises down to a normal level, would you?" I'm in his face, my words coming out a little too loud. The hush of the office around us dulls down and I know these people are listening intently. Fuck my life.

He runs a hand through his hair, seeming uncomfortable for the first time since this morning. "About that, I didn't know everybody could hear her." He looks around and ducks his head. He seems almost bashful as his cheeks turn pink. He'd be cute if I weren't still pissed off.

"Yeah, well I could and I don't even live in your building." I quirk an eyebrow. "As you well know." His lips turn up at the corner and his eyes go from my face to my chest. That bastard. I roll my eyes and continue, "My eyes are up here, buddy."

His head snaps up and he clears his throat. "Sorry."

"I'm sure you're sorry." I huff and storm away, not giving him a chance to catch up. I hide out in the women's washroom for a good twenty minutes before figuring he would have left. I still peek out the door slowly to make sure he didn't follow me and is standing in wait.

I play Mission Impossible down to my car, complete with humming (don't lie, you just hummed the theme song too), and with an exhalation of relief, start my car and head home.

I get a call from Alice pretty much as soon as I get in the door. I was expecting it, but not this soon. I'm only a little nervous when I answer the phone.

"Isabella Marie Swan," she spits as soon as I've said hello. "Did you not learn anything at all from me in all the time we've been seeing each other?"

"I couldn't help it, Alice-" I sputter, only to be cut off.

"Yes, you could have. You're supposed to use your breathing exercises. You're supposed to go to your happy place. You're NOT supposed to threaten people's manhood."

"But, Alice," I whine. "You don't understand. It was him! He of the "screeching banshee," and I'd had two hours of sleep due to his disrespect of the neighborhood."

She starts to chuckle, which turns into a full blown laugh. She's gasping for breath by the time she's done laughing at me, and I have to say I'm more than just a little upset about that.

I huff and stomp my foot.

"Did you … did you just stomp your foot?" she asks, laughing louder.

"I'm hanging up now, Alice," I hiss, before pressing the end call button on my phone.

She calls me back fifteen minutes later, apologizing for her "lack of decorum" and tells me she's upping my sessions to twice a week for the next month at James' request.

I get off the phone and decide to take a hot shower to try and relax myself. It works and after a quick dinner, I get ready for bed.

…

…


	4. Chapter 4

**Last one for tonight. If you haven't already, go wish Heather a happy birthday!**

**To answer a few questions, this is entirely pre-written and will complete late tomorrow. ;)**

**Thanks for reading. **

**Chapter 4**

Morning comes quickly and work goes slowly. The meeting with Edward was pushed back to the afternoon so that James can make sure I'm no longer pissed. After reassuring him a number of times that I'd be okay, he confirms the meeting. After lunch I make my way to the conference room, intent on keeping my composure and, more importantly, my job.

"Edward," I greet him with a polite nod and fake smile. This time, I take my time looking at him. He is rather attractive in that tall, sharp-jawed, and pretty eyes kind of way, and I suppose if I were his girlfriend, I wouldn't be opposed anything that makes me sound like I'm being ripped apart and put back together.

Heather is rather pleased.

"Isabella," he breathes my name barely above a whisper, his eyes apologetic and his lips pursed.

Damn, if he wants to come off as a cute puppy who'd done wrong, he's pulling it off fairly well. I feel like I should pet his hair and have him sit in my lap.

Heather reminds me that maybe I should be the one mounting his lap.

This should be interesting. I don't remember the last time I felt an ounce of attraction toward anyone. Alice is gonna have a field day psychoanalyzing this one.

"Well, lets get this thing going, shall we," James breaks us out of our bubble and we all congregate around the conference table.

Today, I learn that Edward isn't a self satisfying asshole like I thought he was. He's actually a pretty smart self-made entrepreneur that owns a bar downtown and another one in Port Angeles which his brother, Emmett, helps him run.

He works hard and the reason for his late night sexcapades is that he usually gets home really late after he closes the bar. I also learn that he moved into the building next to mine because he wanted to be closer to his business. I suppose I can't hate him too much.

Our job is to help him promote "Maven's Haven" as something more than a dive bar. We were hired to give him guidance with branding, logos and advertising.

"This will be an easy enough transition, Mr. Cullen," James says, shaking Edward's hand as the meeting comes to an end. "In spite of what happened yesterday, Isabella's the best we've got here. She'll be on top of you like white on rice and have this turned around in no time."

My cheeks flush as I look over at Edward, his eyes piercing me with his stare. I suppose being on top of him wouldn't be a bad thing. My blush deepens as the thought runs through my head.

As if he can read my mind, Edward's lips curve into a smirk and his eyes darken. It takes every ounce of will power I can summon for me to stop myself from looking at his crotch.

"I'm sure we'll be great together," Edward says, his eyes not leaving mine. I can feel the way my skin prickles under his gaze and I'm not sure I like it.

"It'll be awesome," I mumble, not caring that I sound like an idiot.

Once Edward leaves, James and I go through everything and decide that first things first, would be to go to the bar and see what we're working with. Since this is my pet-project, James gives me some direction, but won't have much involvement in what I decide to do.

I end up spending the rest of my afternoon meeting with someone from the graphic department and leaving a message for Edward to meet me at the bar tomorrow so we can discuss his bar's new image.

Once again, I'm treated to a nice, peaceful night of sleep, I suppose Edward wasn't lying when he said he'd broken up with his girlfriend. Heather isn't pleased by this development. She had gotten used to getting off on the noise.

"So, Bella, should we discuss what happened at the office yesterday?" Alice asks.

After a few silent minutes, in which I deliberate what to tell her, I finally let loose and lay it all out. I tell Alice about the weird attraction I have to the attractive neighbor-man. I also tell her about my self doubt-something she was already aware of even if I hadn't talked about it out loud.

"And, I mean, Heather's not even fit for human consumption, Alice. I wouldn't even know where to start, it's been so long." I wipe my eyes, exhausted yet happy to have gotten some of these things off my chest.

"Heather needs some love too, Bella," Alice says then slaps a hand over her mouth. "I can't believe you've got me doing it, too." She shakes her head. "At some point, you'll have to trust someone," she continues. "Men aren't all bad, Bella."

I nod, knowing she right, yet thinking that my trust issues may run too deep for me to ever be healed.

Later in the day, I meet Edward at his bar. He's right when he said it looked like a dive. When I walk in, I notice immediately that I have my work cut out for me.

"Isabella?" Edward's voice drifts from somewhere behind me and I turn, gasping when I see him look completely different from the man I'd seen at the office.

Swallowing thickly, I let my eyes roam over him from head to toe, taking in the way his black, vintage Jagger t-shirt fits him just right, all the way down to the dark-wash jeans that sit low on his hips. My eyes then land on the ink that adorns his arms, something I hadn't taken notice of when I'd seen him in the window a few days ago.

"You can call me Bella," I finally tell him, trying to maintain some sort of business-like decorum. "I brought by a few things I had the art department throw together." I won't waste any of his time. We're not friends and I am pretty sure he wants me out of here as soon as possible. Whatever has happened between us needs to be buried deep, deep underground for us to maintain a good business relationship.

He seems to be taken aback by my tone but recovers quickly. "Let's go to my office." His voice is low and he frowns as he leads me down a dark corridor. The electricity between us never waivers though, leaving me wondering if he feels it too.

Edward's office is tiny, but quieter than the bar where a few patrons were playing pool and drinking, while listening to some classic rock.

I show him what I have and we settle on a color scheme and a theme. What I showed him wasn't anything concrete, but served more as a starting off point to get the feel of what he wanted. He then proceeds to show me around, telling me his vision and what he sees in the future of "Maven's Haven."

The passion and conviction behind his words, leave me shivering and wanting to hear his voice tell me things that have nothing to do with my job. I suggest small changes he could make like, painting the walls and adding some artwork. He shows me a few things he's ordered and I make suggestions that will bring it all together nicely. He has good taste, I'll give him that. It's obvious that he bought this place and hasn't done anything to it because it looks nothing like the vision he has.

When I leave, I feel a sense of longing the further away I get from the bar. It's weird. I don't know him, yet I feel like I do.

I spend the rest of the week working on Edward's branding and make an appointment to meet with him the next Monday to show him a few finalized options. He needs a new sign to go over the bar and it takes a few weeks to get it made and installed, so we need to work quickly and settle on a final draft.

…

…


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"Esme's making eyes at me," Carlisle says as we make our way to the park on Saturday. "I'm going to bring her over to my dark side eventually."

"That's … not creepy at all," reply, giggling.

"The older ones are always firecrackers in bed, Bells. I love me some cougar." His eyes glaze over as he speaks. It's completely gross, but whatever floats his boat, I suppose.

"I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, then." I shrug and pick at the lint on my sweater.

"Hey, he hasn't been … entertaining anyone in a while. Esme says he has his eye on someone else, though. He's over that chick he was seeing." At his words, my ears perk up.

Part of me hopes the someone else is me, but the other part of me is scared.

Heather perks up too. Poor thing hasn't gotten any attention in a few days.

"That's good, I guess," I tell him frankly, and I mean it. I wish no ill will toward Edward. I've gotten to know him in the last week and I can admit I was very wrong with the first impression I had of him.

We change the subject and discuss the other stuff going on in his building. Carlisle is always good for a good laugh and distraction.

Unfortunately though, Saturday night brings an unwanted reminder that I'm a bad judge of character when I'm woken, once again, by the shrill screaming of a woman either a) being pounded into ecstasy or b) murdered.

I'm fuming.

This means that Edward either lied to me when he told me his girlfriend had broken up with him or he's found a new flavor already. I don't know why this upsets me so, except well, maybe the fact that I'm pissed he didn't ask me out after all the time we've been spending together.

I throw on a sweater to cover my braless breasts, put on my Crocs and head out of my building and next door. I don't know what I'm hoping to accomplish, but it's 2 a.m. and I'm furious. I am seriously going to cut a bitch … or his cock off.

I know Carlisle hasn't fixed the broken security door so getting into the building is no problem. I don't even bother waiting for the elevator, I just pound my way up the numerous flights of stairs until I find myself out front of Unit 6509. I can hear the screaming and moaning louder now, how his neighbors don't make noise complaints is beyond me. Maybe they are all perverts and jerking off to their noises.

Heather reminds me that this would be a good idea. Traitor.

I start pounding on the door, hitting it so hard the side of my hand turns red and starts to ache. I'm just about to pound again when the noise abruptly stops and the door flings open. I stumble forward and Edward catches me. He's bare chested, and man what a chest it is. He steadies me with his hands, the warmth of them sinking deep into my skin.

"Bella?" he questions. He has the gall to look surprised to see me.

I shoot him a glare, trying to keep my eyes on his face and not his chiseled chest or the colorful ink running down his arms. I want to simultaneously slap him and lick his abs.

"You would think," I hiss, "That after what happened this week, you would have enough respect for me to keep your sex noises to yourself. Gag her ... Stick your cock in her mouth. I don't care, but shut. Her. The. Fuck. UP!" I'm screeching by the end and-once again-poking him in the chest.

His ears turn red, like he's embarrassed, like he has anything to be embarrassed about from the sounds she's been making.

I turn to walk away, but he stops me. "Wait, it's not what you think."

I give him a bitch brow.

He licks his lips, looking me up and down. The way his eyes darken makes my skin prickle.

"No, really, come on. I'll, um, I'll show you." He nods toward the hall, inviting me inside his apartment.

Against my better judgement, he proceeds to lead me into his bedroom and I can see the bed-the place where the magic happens-is empty.

Heather starts .

I notice the T.V is on, but paused. On the screen is … oh, now I get his embarrassment.

"You're watching porn?" I glare at him, my eyes going from the screen to him, and back..

He shrugs, looking sheepish. "Yeah, I um, after I met you and you went off on me, I just couldn't get you out of my mind. When I saw you in the window and now all this week … spending time with you ... I had to think of something to get you to come to me." He motions to the T.V., "This was the only thing I could think of."

"Edward, I-" My words are cut off when Edward closes the distance between us and runs a finger down my cheek then wraps his large hand around the back of my neck, threading his long digits through my hair.

My breathing hitches and Heather twitches.

I don't know whether to be pissed he dragged me out of bed at 2 a.m. or turned on that he wanted me to come here.

"I can't get you out of my head, Bella." His fingers skim my pulse point so softly, my skin breaks out in goosebumps.

"I … I …" I have no words.

"Tell me it's not just me, beautiful." His words are soft, his eyes pleading.

"It's not," I tell him honestly. "But I can't, Edward. I just …"

He nods and takes his hand off of me before taking a step back. "It's okay. I get it." He sounds hurt and that's not what I want.

"No, you don't … I want you, trust me, I do … but I need to think about it." I cross my arms over my chest and rub my arms, feeling cold as if Edward's warmth was what was keeping me from shivering. "It's complicated, Edward. I mean, one week I hate you because you keep me awake at night. I'm completely grossed out by the sex toys you keep on your windowsill." I look over at the window in question. "Thanks for putting it away, by the way."

"That wasn't mine," he interrupts. "It was hers … I threw it out."

I nod. "Whatever. It was gross. All of it. I don't know what I'm supposed to think."

He takes a deep breath. "I get it, Bella. It's fine," he says between clenched teeth. "I'll keep it professional, don't worry." His eyes go hard and something in me relents. I don't want to lose him. I don't want to push him away completely. This is my issue and I need to work it out.

I take a step toward him and put a hand on his chest, over his heart. "I have … things I'm working on. Don't let me push you away. Please."

He looks into my eyes and nods slowly. "Okay. I'll be here when you're ready."

I press a kiss to his collarbone and let him pull me into a hug. It's such an odd development between us, something I never thought would ever happen.

We stand in his room for lord knows how long, holding each other before I end up going home and crying myself to sleep.

In the morning, with puffy eyes and a new sense of determination, I shower and give a quick call to Alice. It's Sunday and she's not at the office, but I need to talk to her anyway.

…

…


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"Wow, so all that happened, huh?" Alice sips her coffee, both hands wrapped around the styrofoam cup.

"Yeah, so what do I do?" This is what my life has come to and it needs to change. I need to fire her. Or talk James into stopping this ridiculousness. Alice is a friend more than a therapist.

"First of all, you get Heather to a salon and get her waxed. Nobody's gonna give her any face-time if she's not groomed." Alice rolls her eyes. "I can't believe I'm talking about your lady parts and giving it a name."

I smile. "I don't want anyone pouring wax on my business. I own a lady Bic, thank you very much."

She shrugs. "I guess after all this time the last thing Heather needs is to be too raw to enjoy the ride."

I break out in a loud guffaw, garnering odd looks from everyone sitting at the other tables in the small coffee shop, but I don't care since this is the first time in a long time that I feel like a normal woman.

Alice holds her stomach as she laughs. "This stuff only happens to you, Bella. I swear."

I shake my head, still giggling. "I guess Heather's getting a haircut."

When I head home a little later, I decide to stop by Edward's. I need to see him just to make sure everything's okay.

I'm nervous as I knock on his door and am about to turn tail when he opens it, his bright green eyes dancing over me and his lips break into a sexy grin. "Hi." He opens the door nodding for me to come in.

"I'm sorry for dropping by I-" My words are cut off by his lips on mine. I'm a little stunned, my eyes wide and my body stiff before melting into his embrace and returning his kiss.

Our lips work together in a frenzy, his tongue peeking out and sliding against mine as I pull him against me, and grind against his thigh. It's been way too long since someone's made me feel this way, if ever. I don't remember my body ever responding like this to anyone ever before.

Edward groans, his large hands skimming my sides and cupping my ass, his fingers digging into my flesh possessively.

I am on fire, so hot for him that I forget everything, letting my body have what it craves as our kisses become deeper and our hands braver.

Edward kisses down my neck and pulls my shirt over my head. It's nothing he hasn't seen, only this time he's close enough to cup my tits and groan as his mouth leaves wet, sloppy kisses over the swells before pulling down the cups, exposing my hard nipples.

"Fuck." His words are muffled, his mouth full of me as he flicks his tongue back and forth over my nipple. I arch my back, my fingers holding on to the back of his head.

"That's so good," I moan, my eyes closed and my thighs clenching together. I'm starting to understand what all the noise was about.

Heather is weeping; making a mess of things. Poor thing needs release and fast.

Edward's lips make a path from my breast to my lips, kissing me like I've never been kissed before. I reach for his shirt, pulling it up. My fingers touch every inch of skin they can, his broad muscles clenching against my fingertips.

"You're so beautiful," he tells me as my eyes roam his firm chest.

I look up at him, the sincerity in his words momentarily shocking me. "The same could be said about you."

He dips his head, his lips capturing mine; his kisses make me feel like I'm flying.

I pull him against me, his hands tweaking my breast and skimming lower. Before I realize it, Edward brings his palm down the front of my pants, his finger dipping between the curls.

"Shit." I pull away from him quickly, my face red in embarrassment. "Shit, shit, shit."

Edward looks at me, brows furrowed. "What's wrong?"

"Three years ago I walked in on my boyfriend pounding my best friend into the wall of my apartment. I haven't … had anyone since." The last words come out muffled and I look away embarrassed as I place the cups of my bra back over my breasts.

"I'll be gentle," Edward says, his fingers cupped under my chin, forcing me to look at him.

"It's not just that." I lick my lips, trying to find the right words. "I let everything grow … down there, like a security blanket. If I don't groom, I won't … have sex. It's like a chastity belt of sorts. I don't want to get hurt again."

When said out loud, I sound crazy. I sort of get what Alice has been trying to drill into me.

Edward grabs me and holds me tight against his bare chest. Rocking us back a forth he sighs, "Oh, Bella." His voice is so tender, I could almost cry. "I would never hurt you like that, beautiful. Whatever he did, he was an asshole."

With that I do start crying. Now, let me just tell you folks, I am an ugly crier, but in Edward's arms I feel safe, protected. So, I let myself go. Edward keeps stroking my hair and my back, making long passes that travel down my spine and end at the top of my ass.

My eyes aren't the only things leaking right now. Heather seems to be enjoying the attention he's giving me as well.

After about twenty minutes, I finally calm down and try to pull out of Edward's embrace, but he only holds me tighter.

"Bella?" he says.

"Yes?"

"I think I could, um, help you out … that is, if you want me to."

I look up at him and notice-once again-he's blushing. Why would him saying he could help cause him to blu-oh holy shit, he wants to help me with Heather. But does he mean he wants to help me get over my three year slump or help me … you know, tame the shrew.

"Wh-what do you mean help?" I stutter.

He smiles a crooked little half smile at me, "I could weed the garden before I smell the flower," he states.

"No! Oh, hell no, Edward!" I exclaim. "The last time anyone was down there she screamed, and she was my OB/GYN."

He snorts. "Bella, come on, it can't be that bad can it?" he asks.

"Let me put it to you this way, Edward. If I stripped down naked and drew a pair of sunglasses and a top hat on my stomach, Heather could be the next ZZ Top for Halloween."

He looks confused. "Who's Heather?"

Now I'm truly mortified. If he doesn't run screaming from me after this I'll be surprised.

"Heather is my ... you know." I motion below my waist.

He starts to laugh, loudly. Now I'm just getting irritated. I huff out a breath. "Please, like you haven't named your cock!" That shuts him right up and his cheeks pink slightly "That's what I thought." I smirk.

"How did you come up with Heather?" he asks.

Internally I struggle with telling him a lie or the truth. I decide on truth since a) I know what it's like to be lied to and I don't want to put anyone in that position ever, and b) I figure if he hasn't run screaming by now it might just be okay.

"I may have a slight obsession with the movie Heathers. You know, Christian Slater?"

"What's your damage, Heather?" he questions.

I snap my fingers and point at him. "Bingo!"

He starts to chuckle and it's low and sexy. I can practically feel the vibrations in my chest and once again Heather is getting excited.

"You crazy, silly, wonderful, woman," he says as he strokes my cheek. I melt a little.

Taking my hand, he leads me into his bedroom and then into his en-suite. Butterflies erupt in my stomach and I can't tell if it's from excitement or if I'm going to hurl. He lifts me onto the counter, his arm muscles flexing, and steps in between my legs. He starts kissing my neck, sucking on the skin softly, hands caressing my breasts.

"Please let me do this for you Bella. Trust me, please. I won't hurt you. I promise."

I want to tell him that he can't make promises, that people break promises all the time. I want to tell him that I can't be hurt again like I was before, I wouldn't survive it. Alice's words echo in my mind though, _"At some point, you'll have to trust someone, and "men aren't all bad, Bella."_

I take a deep breath, and take the plunge "Okay."

"Okay?" he questions, looking directly into my eyes.

With steely determination I nod my head, not breaking eye contact "Yes, but you may need a weed whacker to get to the good stuff."

He shakes his head, chuckling. "You're insane."

"I hear you like them crazy." I shrug, still grinning. Oddly, I feel comfortable here with him as I watch him go through his cupboards. He finds everything we need and lays it all out next to where I'm sitting. I'm glad his bathroom counter is big enough.

He looks at me and licks his lips before leaning forward and kissing me softly. "I'm going to need to see what I'm working with, beautiful."

Taking a deep breath, I can feel my skin heat up all the way from my toes to my cheeks. This is either going down in the history books as something we'll be telling our offspring, or it'll be the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me. Let's face it, I embarrass myself on a daily basis, this won't be too bad. It'd be worse if I made an appointment at a salon to get a stranger to wax it.

Wordlessly I stand, and keeping my eyes on Edwards face, I undo the button to my jeans and shimmy them down my legs. I look down at the pink cotton panties and shake my head at myself. Why this man wants to do this is beyond me, but I soldier on. Looking up, I find his eyes again and proceed to dip my thumbs in the waistband of my panties. "This is it," I tell him as I shimmy those down my legs and step out of them.

Edward's eyes stay locked on mine and I see the struggle in them as he reaches for the clasp of my bra. I guess we're doing this stark naked.

"You're so pretty, Bella." His words are pained, like he's struggling with something.

I drop my eyes to his crotch and lick my lips. The tent in the front of his pants is quite impressive. No wonder he's having a hard time (pun intended) the blood isn't flowing in his brain at all. "You're quite something yourself, handsome."

He starts laying his equipment (not THAT kind, you perverts) on a towel beside me. I'm starting to get nervous. I'm afraid of how he will react. Heather is normally gorgeous, right now she resembles Cousin It. I want the pressure off me for a bit and before he can stop me I drop down off the counter and grab at the waistband of his jeans, popping the button.

"Bella?" he questions "what are you doing?"

I lower the zipper on his jeans before reaching my hand in his boxers and grasping his cock pulling it out.

"Fuck," he exhales, "you don't … you don't have to do that."

I lick up the length of him, tasting the saltiness of his skin. I moan in pleasure. Not only have I robbed Heather of male attention for the last three years, I've taken this away from myself too.

Edward isn't huge, thankfully, maybe a little above average, but nowhere near the size of that thing he had in his windowsill. It's a wonder the man didn't have a complex if that's what his ex liked. He is surely to have experienced some dildo vs. penis envy. I don't. Something that huge would split Heather in half, and she's way too fragile for that kind of treatment.

I lick around the top of his cock, sucking it into my mouth, using my tongue on the underside. Edward exhales loudly, his hands moving towards the back of my head, then back up.

He's warring on where to put his hands, so I take the debate away from him. Grasping his hands, I place them on my head. His fingers grip my locks tightly but not hard enough to hurt.

I suck him further into my mouth, humming around him. I look up to him and our gazes lock. One of his hands releases its grip on my hair and he uses his pointer finger to tenderly caress my bottom lip. It's the most intimate moment I've had with a man to date and it serves to both turn me on and melt me at the same time.

Heather is drowning.

I increase my suction, bobbing up and down on his length. His hand finds it's way back into my hair setting a pace that he likes.

He's groaning, panting and obviously trying not to thrust his hips. I use one of my hands to cup his ass and pull him closer to me. Letting him know that it's okay for him to fuck my mouth. His speed increases as my other hand traces his thigh to his balls. It's hard to get my hand in there with his pants still around his thighs so I struggle to pull them down further.

Once I get them where it's comfortable for me to grab him, I cup his balls in my free hand rolling them around, causing him to gasp and moan. I look up again and his face is the picture of pure bliss. I increase my speed to match his and he grips my hair a little harder.

I gently scrape my teeth along the underside and hot spurts of cum shoot down my throat as he moans and cusses, my name falling off his lips.

I swallow him down and lick him clean before smiling back up at him.

"Sorry I didn't warn you," he says.

I shrug. "It's okay. I don't mind," I tell him.

He pulls me to my feet and kisses the hell out of me. We're a mess of teeth and tongue and the thought of him tasting himself on me makes me even more aroused.

I want all of him, all of what he can give me. He lifts me back up onto the counter and-still kissing me-reaches over and turns the water on in the sink.

He stops kissing me long enough to tell me to lift up before placing a towel below me. I'm starting to get nervous again and he can probably tell by the slight shake of my thighs against his hips because he kisses me again before whispering for me to relax.

My attempts at distracting him are null and this is happening.

…

…


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

He takes the tiny scissors and goes to look down. "STOP!" I cry out. I'm ready to die of embarrassment. "Don't look at her, please."

"Bella, I can't do it if I don't look. Really, honey, it can't be that bad. Don't be embarrassed, okay?"  
I close my eyes and figure it can't be that bad. The 70's went by and everyone survived those muffs. He should survive mine.

A hairball or two never hurt anyone. Maybe I can convince him that the bush is coming back in style.

I exhale sharply, ready to ask him when he says, "Relax, Bella, I'm not going to hurt you."

The way he says it makes me feel as if he's talking about more than just giving Heather a trim.

He looks down, and I cover my face with my hands. I can feel the tears pooling in my eyes and just as they are about to spill over I feel the lightest touch of a finger caress my pussy.

I feel a warm gust of breath before Edward says "Hello, Heather, I'm Edward. You really are very pretty, I'm going to be giving you a little trim though, just so I can see you better, appreciate your true beauty."

The fact that he's both taking to my pussy and calling her by name makes my tears turn to tears of laughter as I start laughing harder than I've laughed in a while.

"Bella," he chuckles. "I don't want to cut you honey, you gotta stop laughing."

I sober immediately, I don't want anything to come between him and I doing anything, and cutting Heather would lead to that stopping.

He painstakingly cuts the dark curls covering my mound blowing gently to remove the strands so he can see. Once he's cut the hair down, he puts down the scissors before kissing me gently again.

He wets a washcloth under the hot water flowing from the tap and using the cloth rubs all over Heather. I swear I can hear her purr, but then realize it's me. He lathers up some shaving cream and smears it between the apex of my thighs and even on my inner thighs. Thank goodness I hate swimming, I would have looked like I buried Chewbacca down there.

He nudges my legs open further and picks up the razor. "Thank you for trusting me to do this, Bella."

His voice is so soft and soothing, I almost forget what we're doing. Almost.

I can feel the gentle rasp of the razor against my skin, the feeling is both arousing and slightly terrifying. I've never had anyone but myself and a professional down there for this job. I'm kind of worried about it going badly and ending up with a trip to the ER.

Alice is going to have a field day with this one.

Edward is very gentle though, pulling my skin taut before running the razor along my outer lips. In between, he rinses the blade of the razor under the water.

Before I know it Heather is bare, just as she likes to be. Edward rinses the blade a final time, before grabbing the washcloth and running it under the water and using it to wipe away any left behind shaving cream.

Wordlessly, I pull Edward into a hug, and kiss him, letting the tears fall down my cheeks. This is the most intimate thing I've ever experienced with another person in my entire life.

It's weird that we only met a week or so ago, yet this feels like we've known each other forever.

"Thank you," I whisper against his neck.

"Thank you for trusting me," he says, so sincerely, that the look in his eyes takes my breath away.

Whatever I thought of him before is obliterated and replaced with something akin to love. Rationally, I know that's not possible, but it is what it is.

I watch as Edward steps out if his pants and underwear, and takes my hand, pulling me toward the shower. "I wanna make sure we get all the shaving cream off of you," he says while turning on the water.

I nod, shifting from one foot to the next, my hand in his. "Makes sense." Heather probably smells like Old Spice right now and the last thing I need is for her to develop some nasty infection. That'd be tragic as she's just gotten a fresh haircut.

I watch Edward step under the spray, droplets of water cascading down his chest making him look even better than he did before. As if that were even possible.

Heather twitches, reminding me that I don't have to just stand here and look, I was invited to touch, and dammit I plan on doing a lot of that.

Stepping inside the shower, I join Edward under the spray. The water is warm and feels amazing on my tense muscles. I can feel the stream of water cascading down over my chest and below to where I now have newly exposed skin. After three years, Heather feels all ticklish and brand new.

I like it.

Especially when Edward's mouth covers mine and his fingers thread through my damp hair tilting my face up. Our kisses are sloppy and wet, but his hands are gentle on my skin as he explores my body.

The pads of his fingers make a path down, down toward the promised land and I can't help the whimper that escapes my lips when he finally makes contact, grazing the back of his fingers over my now bare pussy.

He slips his fingers between my folds and I purr like a cat. At least I'm not imitating the screaming banshee. Yet.

His finger feels fantastic swirling around my clit. Heather is the one purring now.

He moans into my mouth and his lips leave mine, only to trail down my chest. Taking one of my nipples in his mouth he continues to stroke Heather. The feeling is pure bliss. Now that all the hair is gone, every touch is intensified tenfold.

He lowers himself to his knees, gently nuzzling my belly button with his nose. The sensation makes me shudder, with want, in appreciation. He's being so gentle with my body, exploring me, taking little licks and grazing his teeth softly over my skin.

He grasps my left leg, by the thigh and spreads me open, placing my foot on the ledge of the tub. Heather is weeping with want. She wants his lips and his tongue, his fingers.

He obliges enthusiastically.

He removes his finger and licks my clit, I moan and shake. He hums appreciatively telling me I taste good. He then nuzzles his nose against my clit; it's a sensation I've never felt before. It's like he's speaking directly to Heather, and doing whatever she tells him to.

He circles a finger around my entrance, dipping it in slow and shallow. My hips thrust out to meet his digit but he pulls back, causing me to whimper with frustration. He chuckles against me and I gasp at the sensation.

I grab his hair and pull, causing him to grunt. In a blur of lips, teeth and tongue he attacks Heather like a starving man in the desert, or you know, one of the contestants on The Biggest Loser.

He inserts a finger inside me and it's like the sky opens and rain floods down, but it's really just Heather weeping with joy. She hasn't had any fingers inside her except for my own in three years now. She is a very happy kitty.

It isn't long before I'm screaming his name and tugging his hair harder while riding his face.

Best. Orgasm. Ever.

He brings me down slowly, removing his fingers and sucking my taste off them. So hot.

My leg is still trembling from the effects of my orgasm, and I bring it down off the ledge. I grab his hand and pull him to stand.

Okay, so maybe he does most of the work, I'm not that strong.

I digress.

Once he's standing I attack his mouth with my own. I'm literally licking myself off his lips and sucking my taste off his tongue when I should be grossed out but it's really fucking hot. He must agree because with a guttural groan from him I find myself pinned up against the shower wall.

I hiss and my back arches from the change in sensation from the hot, steamy water to the frigid cold of the wall. He mumbles an apology into my lips.

I can feel him nudging at my entrance, and I'm thankful I've kept up with my birth control because there is nothing that can stop me from letting his pirate plunder my village … except the thought of the way we met, which puts a screeching halt to the festivities.

"Wait, Edward, wait!" I cry out and he stops, panting heavily.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"Well we both know I'm clean, and I'm on the pill. But I was just wondering, you know, when was the last time you were tested?"

He puts me down on my feet and I want to feel bad, but I can't really. I have to protect Heather at all costs.

He blushes before saying, "I haven't had actual sex in six months Bella." 

I look at him, shocked. "But, I heard you!"

"No," he says looking really embarrassed. "You heard Tanya."

I must have a really puzzled look on my face because he sighs before saying, "Bella, come on, you saw the size of the dildo she had, do you really think she let Rob anywhere near her vagina?"

I'm confused. Who the fuck is Rob? Was she fucking someone else too? What a slut.

But then it dawns on me that he's referring to his cock and I laugh. I don't mean to, but Rob? Did he name it after that hot vampire guy?

He kind of glares at me. I can't stop the laughter though. I stutter out an apology and he shuts me up by attacking my mouth with his. My laugh turns into a moan as his tongue finds mine. Once I'm fully into the kiss, he pulls back abruptly.

"So yes, Bella, I'm clean. I've been tested. We could move this into the bedroom though, get a condom if you want."

Oh Hell to the no. There is no way I'm doing it in a bed that skankasaurus was in!

I tell him as much and he lifts me against the wall again. I'm grinding and writhing all over his dick. I'm trying not to think of him naming it Rob, since I think Heather would murder me in my sleep if I did anything to stop her from getting some.

You know, if your vagina could come to life and kill you that is.

Edward positions himself at my entrance again and before either of us can back out of going any further, I impale myself on his cock. We both moan. He feels like Heaven inside me. Heather and I are both weeping for joy.

We set a good pace, working together, both chasing down our release.

"I'm not going to last very long, Bella," he whispers against my mouth. "Do you think you can get there?"

I reach down between us and start rubbing my clit while he's looking down between us.

"Fuck that's hot," he says, picking up the pace.

It isn't long before I'm screaming out yet another release. I slump down against him as he finishes. His legs wobble and I'm afraid he might drop me. I unhook my legs from around his waist and plant my feet on the ground.

My legs are shaking, Heather is aching. But it aches so good.

He kisses me tenderly on the lips before grabbing the bottle of body wash from behind me. Lathering up his hands, he starts to clean my body. Taking a cue from his book I grab it and do the same.

When I reach his abs, I look down and giggle.

"What's so funny?" he asks.

"Nothing."

"Bella, when you giggle while looking in the direction of a man's cock it doesn't make him feel very good about himself," he states with a huff, folding his arms across his chest.

"Well," I start angling my head down and looking up at him through my lashes, "it's just that I noticed Rob needs a bit of a trim. You helped me with Heather. I figured I could return the favour."

"Oh no," he says shaking his head rapidly back and forth. "No way, honey. I don't need your help. You crazy girl."

He grabs me and rinses us both under the water. Shutting it off, he grabs a towel and wraps it around me, then tugs me out of the shower and leads me to his bedroom.

He then throws me on the bed and grabs a t-shirt out of the drawer and tosses it at me. I put it on as he pulls on a pair of boxers. Walking over to the bed he encourages me to lay down, crawling in behind me. He then spoons me and kisses the back of my head.

While Heather is content and sated, Edward is behind me with Rob nestled against my backside, we drift off into peaceful sleep.

…

…


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

_**One Month Later**_

"So there I was, just getting ready to go for the thunder down under when someone starts pounding on my door." Carlisle is telling me.

I vomit into my mouth a little. I mean I don't need to hear about him going down on my (hopefully) one day mother-in-law.

We're at the grand opening of Maven's Haven. I'm extremely proud of the work that Edward and I put into getting the advertising out there and spreading the word. We've had a lot of fun working together, both in and out of the office.

Carlisle snaps his fingers in front of my face.

I take a deep breath. "Sorry, Carlisle. I'm listening."

"So I grab the first robe I can find, open the door and what do I see?" he asks.

"What?" I deadpan. I have a feeling I'm gonna want to puke in my mouth. Again.

"The new tenant that moved in below Edward, and let me tell you Bella she was pissed. She wanted to make a noise complaint. Any guesses as to what type of noise she was complaining about?" he asks me, waggling his eyebrows like the pervert he is.

I blush, realizing that she heard us fucking, and complained-again. So I'm a screamer too, who knew? Edward just really is that damn good.

He points his finger at me. "That's right young lady. You need to tone it down during your little sexual escapades. She threatened to go to the police next time."

I glance at Edward; he's standing in the corner of the room, surveying all he's built. I'm so proud of him in that moment that even the threat of jail can't bring me down.

I turn back to Carlisle, and with a smirk say, "Carlisle, the next time the bitch complains tell her to remove the stick from her ass, the overgrown hair from her pussy, and get laid."

He snorts a laugh. Alice, who's been sitting across from me listening to our conversation gives me a high five.

We all burst out laughing. Edward appears behind me, kisses the back of my neck, and asks what's so funny.

With a slight shrug of my shoulders I turn in his arms and kiss him softly. "Just handing out some friendly advice," I tell him.

Edward kisses me harder and I melt against him.

"Did I ever tell you about the time I blackmailed Carlisle into telling me about the pretty girl I saw in the window across the alley?" Edward asks, pulling me into a hug.

I shrug. "It rings a bell, but you'll have to refresh my memory."

He doesn't have to, of course I remember.

The morning after Edward had rid Heather of her triangle of curls, he'd confessed to to having talked to Carlisle about me. Apparently Carlisle had told Edward everything he wanted to know.

All in all, it was all worth it. There are moments where I'm still insecure and wonder what the hell he sees in all my crazy, and there are moments where I'm still convinced it won't last forever and he'll break my heart.

But he's worth the risk, and Heather is happy to be so loved … and still so bare.

THE END

Thank you so much for reading this crazy, and for coming along with us in giving someone a very special birthday gift. Heather, this was all for you.

On a separate note, I'd just like to remind people that we don't know all the details from Edward's relationship... And that he may have gotten home too late to know what his girlfriend was up to... I mean, he did own that bar... She could have been the one coming home early and using that thing. Who knows. And because this was Bella's journey and her pov, we never will! Lol Hope it was a fun little ride for those that gave it a go. Xox


End file.
